


shivering gold

by LightningInABottle



Series: BLUE LIPS [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Drug Use, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, John Laurens Is Gone, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Graphic Smut, Non-Linear Narrative, Recreational Drug Use, Song Lyrics, Songfic, weird metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:39:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningInABottle/pseuds/LightningInABottle
Summary: Alexander Hamilton knew this was a dangerous line to flirt with, but what Jefferson could to him was more addicting than any drug. Maybe that's why he kept coming back, kept looking for comfort in the bittersweet glitter that Jefferson's touch pushed into his veins. The feeling of not being alone, no matter how fleeting, was simply intoxicating, like a shiver of gold.If only he could shiver away his memories of John as well.





	shivering gold

**Author's Note:**

> For enhanced reading experience: listen to shivering gold by Tove Lo!  
> (And read the previous works!)

When he was high, Alexander Hamilton’s feelings always seemed to take on a strange, unreal sheen. It was like every thought got glossed over by happy, shiny euphoria that made him drift _up up up._ And with Thomas Jefferson, it was even better, because instead of simply floating away, Alex was anchored to the world with hands on his hips, grinding him back down where he needed to go, and sharpened kisses on the back of his neck. Jefferson definitely knew what he was doing. He held Alex in his lap, facing the light passing through the lowered blinds instead of Jefferson’s face, and thrust up into him until Alex was moaning constantly and shivering with indescribable pleasure. The air itself seemed to vibrate with the sounds that slipped from his lips.

Afterwards, they finally collapsed against each other, the effects of the drug they had taken before running through their veins. Alex breathed heavily as Jefferson drew him close, running his hands through Alex’s hair absentmindedly. As much as he hated this part, Jefferson always insisted on keeping him around as the high wore off. _‘To make sure you don’t do something stupid’_ was his normal explanation. Alex just rolled his eyes and let Jefferson take care of him until he got too fed up with Alex’s bullshit and kicked him out of his apartment.

And then Alex was left to go back to his own, back to Eliza who waited patiently for him, back to memories of John that wouldn’t go away, no matter what he did. He was still too caught up in the afterglow to really start feeling the pain, but he gave it thirty minutes tops before an all-too-familiar ache would creep back into his fractured heart. Alex wriggled closer to Jefferson, pulling the covers up over them and letting his mind wander. Unsurprisingly, it latched onto a beat and a rhythm and a scene from almost a month ago.

— _disco tits—motherfucking queen of the discotheque—people wanna know how I move so slick—motherfucking queen of the disco tits—_

“Whatcha thinking about?” Jefferson’s voice was the most casual Alex had ever heard it, and he had been hearing it a lot recently. Their usual debates had started up at work, as if though hooking up reignited just how much they hated each other outside of Jefferson’s bedroom. Alex just shrugged, images dancing beneath his eyelids. These moments always made him uncomfortable, where he was forced to actually have _emotions._

“When I first came up to you. Remember that night?” Although Alex couldn’t see Jefferson’s face, he was sure that the man had just smirked.

“How could I forget?”

The memory was more insistent now, and Alex gave himself over to it, coasted on the last of his buzz in order to transport himself back there, leaning on the wall next to Jefferson, blabbing about being sweaty and hot and ready to go. _A minute of truth time, talking 'bout stuff._

“You kept saying I was danger, but thinking I was love,” Alex said, momentarily impressed at how deep that sounded. Jefferson chuckled, his laugh like the low chords of a piano. The hands that were in Alex’s hair tugged him up until Jefferson could plant a lazy kiss on his lips. When they parted, Alex was pleased to see the same faraway look in Jefferson’s eyes, like he was also recalling that time.

“Why were you even out on the dance floor?” Jefferson asked, shifting onto his side, some of his curls falling across his face. Alex reached forward on impulse and tucked a few ringlets back. The words sent an unpleasant pang through him as he remembered just a little too much, went from the fun flirting to the desperate loneliness. _I was drinking my tears,_ he wanted to say, but because this was _Jefferson,_ he just smiled halfheartedly and lied through his teeth.

“Acting all cliché, I guess, and facing my fears.”

Jefferson laughed at that, raising a teasing eyebrow. He was strangely pretty like this, all guardedness broken down by the drugs Alex had brought over. Mostly weed, a few small tablets for that extra rush. They had been doing this for about a month now, and sleeping with the enemy really wasn’t as hard as everyone else made it seem. All in all, it was pretty simple. Get high, get fucked, maybe engage in some pillow talk, and go back to hurling insults at each other during work. Alex wasn’t sure he even had a heart left, so feelings weren’t exactly an issue.

“Scared, of _me?_ You flatter me too much.” Jefferson’s smile was becoming sharper, more taunting—just like Alex’s thoughts were becoming darker, more poisonous, more pained. This was the worst part, the comedown. But maybe he could hold it off a bit longer by remembering.

“Let’s just say...you were a point of intrigue for me.” Alex’s cheeks flushed pink as he tried his best to stroke Jefferson’s ego. Sure, he had imagined him naked sometimes, but hadn’t everyone? The only reason Alex ever approached Jefferson was because... _because John._ But he shook the memory off like a piece of dust stuck on his clothing, replacing it with something else.

 

 _Curious minds—_ _Alex couldn’t say that he wasn’t curious by what was underneath Jefferson’s clothes. He started pulling them off as soon as they got into the apartment, the ecstasy drug still burning through his body and making him hypersensitive to every touch._

_Hearts pounding—Jefferson’s chest was just as toned as Alex had imagined it to be. Dear god, the man even had abs. Alex could feel their hearts pounding like their personal discotheque, a strange, syncopated beat._

_Fingers in ties_ — _On a strange impulse, Alex linked their fingers into ties as Jefferson led him to the bed. It was a strange closeness, one that he wasn’t used to._

_Wet, dripping—Sweat had already coated Alex’s skin, and their movements certainly weren’t helping. He was wet, dripping. Both outside his boxers and inside them._

  
“Oh really?” Jefferson was most definitely amused now, but Alex was far too engrossed in the flashback to care. This was good, this would keep him from having to face the consequences of his actions for just a little while longer. “Tell me about it. Tell me how it feels when I touch you.” It wasn’t a question, but Alex was too far gone to form an answer. He always spaced out like this right before experiencing the inevitable drug crash.

  
_Curious minds_ — _Alex was never satisfied, now that his hungry eyes had the freedom to roam over Jefferson’s bare body, another curiosity sparked him up. What would it be like to not only look, but touch?_

 _Lips, lick 'em_ — _Jefferson smirked down at Alex, drawing his tongue across his bottom lip as if he wanted to devour him. Lips, Jefferson licked them, right before Alex pressed their bodies together once more._

_Pupils grow wide—The next coherent thought Alex had was that Jefferson’s pupils had grown so wide that there was only a small ring of brown around them. For a moment, all they did was look at each other, tension building until it was unbearable. And then they snapped, crashing against each other as the imaginary beat in their minds dropped._

Once it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak, Jefferson just sighed and drew him close, resting his chin overtop Alex’s head. But instead of responding with words, Alex simply nuzzled into Jefferson’s chest, answering the question in his mind. After all, Jefferson had demanded the same answer from him the first time they were together.

 

_“Tell me how it feels,” Jefferson commanded, rocking hips forward in a steady rhythm that was beginning to pick up, along with their heart rates. Alex only whined, pushing forward against Jefferson, frustration growing when Jefferson pulled back as a response. Somehow, Alex gathered enough composure to speak._

_“I feel that thing that jolts me, fucks with me good.” Alex’s voice shook, and his words were rewarded with a sharp thrust from Jefferson that caused a heated, full-body shiver to run through him. “Like shivering gold.” Maybe it was because Alex was high as hell, but his strange metaphor seemed to be understood by Jefferson, who fucked into him harder as a response._

_Alex shivered in gold._

 

“It feels…” Alex began, drawing a jolt from Jefferson, who had obviously not expected for him to speak until he began grumbling about hating the universe. “Like shivering gold. So much pleasure that I just...shiver _in gold_ .” Being with Jefferson was _wild, real._ Not only was he adept in the tricky art of giving Alex everything his body needed to forget, but he also had _things like moon rocks, rolled up in love,_ to dull the pain.

“Shivering gold, huh?” Jefferson pulled Alex in for another lengthy kiss before he could do much more than nod.

_Alex shivered in gold_

* * *

It was a grand total of five days before Alex found himself in Jefferson’s apartment, being eased onto the couch on his back. He was sure that Jefferson could see the tear tracks and puffiness of his eyes the second he had walked inside. But instead of commenting, taunting, or worse—asking about them, Jefferson simply pulled him close and kissed it better, the physical face. There was no way he could kiss away Alex’s emotional pain, but this was good enough.

Jefferson was too perceptive not to notice the fact that Alex was so desperate to forget that he didn’t even get high before showing up. The entire time, Alex hadn’t said a word, only nodded shakily. He found himself relieved at Jefferson’s intuition as he propped one of his legs on top of the couch and let the other one hang off the cushions. Jefferson wasted no time getting between Alex’s legs and setting the pace. This might’ve been the first time that Jefferson decided to suck him off, and Alex writhed under him, driven insane by the heat of Jefferson’s mouth and _whatever the fuck he was doing with his tongue_ and— _ohgodpleasedontstopplease._

When Jefferson finally pulled off of him, Alex saw him smiling, lips covered in him. Maybe they were moving too fast, being too gentle with each other when all they needed to need was something rough and emotionless. _But fuck it, they were free._

 

_Curious minds—Alex couldn’t help but wonder, once more, about how Jefferson’s body would feel up against his own. No matter how many times he saw it, he was still insatiable when it came to Jefferson._

_Hearts pounding—Jefferson had left his spot between Alex’s legs in order to better kiss him, pinning him to the faux-leather of the couch. Their hearts pounded in synchronization._

_Fingers in ties—Sometimes during their push of mouths, Jefferson had interlocked their fingers, an awkward sort of intimacy that Alex found himself not pulling away from. Probably because he needed comfort now more than ever._

_Wet, dripping—It felt like Alex was melting apart under the heat of Jefferson’s skin, turning to molten metal and dripping away in his hands._

 

They had a pattern now, their own unique melody. A push and pull that no one else could replicate. Neither of them spoke, they simply didn’t need to. Alex would usually be concerned by the lack of hatred, the strange peace. But now, all he wanted was to not feel alone. And the tender way Jefferson touched him would be easy enough to wipe out of his mind later with a few drinks. Problem solved.

 

_Curious minds—Alex wanted to do more, to explore Jefferson's body with his fingertips and tongue. But it appeared all Jefferson would allow him to do was lie there as their bodies ground together, murmuring soothing reassurances in his ear._

_Lips, lick 'em—Jefferson licked Alex’s lips, his tongue bringing lightning bolts of sensations tingling through his body._

_Pupils grow wide, wider—Alex couldn’t remember a time when he had wanted someone this much. Actually he had, but he didn’t dare to think of John now, not when he already cried once over him that day. So instead he just focused on the all-consuming void of Jefferson’s pupils._

 

“I feel that thing that jolts me, fucks with me good,” Alex breathed, grinning as he met Jefferson’s eyes. “Shivering gold.” _God,_ this was as close to perfect as it could get, the drag of the couch material against his back, combined with the softness of Jefferson’s warm skin was heaven and sin at the same exact time.

“You shiver in gold.” Jefferson’s eyes sparked with recognition as he recalled the last time Alex had brought this strange sensation up.

— _wild, real_ — _got things like moon rocks rolled up in love—shivering gold—_

The way Jefferson touched him was intoxicating, addicting. It was the perfect blend of confidence and power, temporarily filling the love-shaped hole in Alex’s heart. Jefferson’s hands tightened on his hips almost involuntarily as he ground their bodies together.    
_Alex shivered in gold_

* * *

 

As much as Alex loved the high, there was always the dread of knowing what would inevitably come. The drugs would fade away, John would appear in his mind once more, and Jefferson would push him away and growl _‘get the fuck out of my apartment.’_

— _shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

But for now, none of that had happened yet, and all Alex had to worry about was the electricity flowing through him, making his limbs twist and jerk out of his control. After not even two months of their strange arrangement, Jefferson had already figured out exactly what to do to get Alex to writhe beneath his touch.

_—shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

Jefferson really did fuck Alex exactly how he needed it. Sometimes that meant it was fast and rough and dirty, leaving bruises etched into his skin. Other times it was more of physical comfort, a warm body to soften the hurt. Now, he was in Jefferson’s lap, facing away from him, fingernails digging into his hipbones as teeth marked up the nape of his neck.

_—shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

Jefferson’s lips tasted bittersweet, much like the tablets he had chewed earlier. This time, it was Jefferson who brought the high, supplying some white amphetamine pills that had made Alex go higher than ever before.

_—shiver, shiver–bittersweet, that glitter—_

Just then, Alex did something that had Jefferson groaning his name and clutching him as close as possible, a shiver running through both of their bodies. Twin shivers and tongues of bittersweet as they tensed, arched up into each other, and relaxed.

 

_Curious minds— Alex couldn’t help but wonder: what would happen if he lingered, staying under the sheets, tangled up in Jefferson instead of just leaving like he normally would?_

_Hearts pounding—Jefferson’s pounding heart was all too easy to feel, as was Alex’s own drumming beat,_

_Fingers in ties—As Alex peeled himself away from Jefferson, he realized that their fingers had been in ties, hands together._

_Curious minds—Would Jefferson push him away if Alex was to stay? Of course, their relationship wasn’t like that, but sometimes even Alex needed comfort._

_Lips, lick 'em—Swiping his tongue across his bottom lip revealed to Alex that he had bitten it so hard it had bled._

_Pupils grow wide— Why was Jefferson still so unreasonably hot while he was at his most disheveled? The darkness of his pupils and the flush of his cheeks added to the wild allure. Alex felt that thing that jolted him—_

 

“Yeah you fuck with me good,” Alex rasped, head spinning from the high. Jefferson’s touches had turned him into gold, _shivering gold._ He laid back against the bed as Jefferson got cleaned up, still shivering in gold from the aftershocks. Although Jefferson was putting on an air of nonchalance, it was obvious that he was listening. “Wild, real, you got things like moon rocks, rolled up in love.” A startled laugh burst from Jefferson’s lips as he slipped back into bed, wrapping an arm around Alex.

“What kind of weird ass metaphor is that?”

Alex laughed along, too blissed-out to care about anything except Jefferson.

“It means you have good drugs, dumbass.” To Alex’s surprise, Jefferson didn’t push him away like he normally did when things started getting snappish. Instead, he spoke, breaking the silence.

“Whatcha thinking about?”  

— _shivering gold—I shiver in gold—_

* * *

 

Of course, Jefferson kicked Alex out of his apartment pretty soon afterward, leaving him to do the walk of shame back to his own place. Alex was already in the middle of a crash when he stumbled back in his room during midday, Eliza gone from the apartment on errands.

He collapsed on his bed, mind spinning as he fell _down, down down._ Without the drugs to help him escape, he was left completely at John’s mercy. The memories of him were relentless, cutting into Alex’s heart viciously. As memories of freckles and tender kisses and whispered promises swirled like shadows in the room around him, Alex’s headache grew and he found himself humming under his breath to soothe the pain.

— _shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

John’s eyes, the way they lit up like a lamp when he heard something funny. Jefferson’s eyes, how they shone sharply, like he was the predator stalking Alex down.

_—shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

John’s skin, freckled and soft and always smelling slightly of weed. Jefferson’s skin that always flooded Alex’s senses with old cologne and musky sweat during the morning when he hadn’t gotten up to take a shower yet.

_—shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

John’s touches, which were always gentle and thoughtful, like Alex was a treasure he wanted to map out with his fingertips, Jefferson’s touches, intense and passionate and yet somehow kind at the same time.

_—shiver, shiver—bittersweet, that glitter—_

John’ kisses. Jefferson’s kisses.

Bitter. Sweet

 

_Shiver. Shiver._

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is more of a Jamilton relationship development and vague smutfest than actual plot. But we're going to be hitting the consequences of their actions pretty soon. Just you wait!  
> I really hope y'all enjoyed reading this, so please leave a comment and tell me what you thought. And follow me @lightningin.abottle  
> Thank you for @swanofthelake for being my beta reader! Love you lots, my darling <3  
> Thank you for reading!


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